|  Old
Boy Diary August 2007
Lose to WRC in Final
VOMITs Don’t Choke, Make the Stuart Daily Finals
By Marc Kennedy
VOMIT (Veterans, Old Men, Idiots and Twits) Handler
The plan was simple and seemingly foolproof: Assemble a group of
aging ruggers (from 30-something to 50-something), play three matches,
win one or two but not advance, showing some younger guys that despite
our age and expanding waistlines and receding hairlines, we still
got a little game. Then, we’d repair, honor and bodies intact,
to the shade under Herb’s Hideaway and enjoy the semi-finals
from the sidelines. There, we’d quaff a few, and buy Jell-O
shots from the Women’s Team and get a head start on telling
the same old lies over and over.
Despite all my efforts as unofficial VOMIT handler and captain,
I failed miserably. After losing the first match to Fond du Lac
17-7, the VOMITs won the next two and amazingly qualified for the
semis.
How could everything go so right…?
At 9 am at the Captain’s meeting Saturday morning, the plan
seemed airtight; we only had 3 players available. By first match
at 10:30 am, we managed to have about 14, though most had either:
A) golfed at the Daily invite at the Bridges in the 90 degree heat
the day before, or B) helped put up tents or otherwise prepare the
pitches for the tournament or C) were at the Echo Tap until closing.
Either way, dehydration was an issue.
Fond du Lac 17, VOMITs 7
We held a 7-0 lead thanks to a great try by Compton Kurtz (and conversion).
But thanks to a few mistakes – ours and the ref’s (hey,
we’re old and we can complain because we know it won’t
do any good and we know all the refs. Hell, half of the Old Boys
are refs!) We gave up two late tries in the second half and blew
a couple of scoring opportunities of our own. At that point, it
was up for grabs whether the VOMITs would be able to win a single
match… Plus we lost Dan Marz and Bruce Hill who were going
to Simon Bailey’s service in Milwaukee and Luke Milligan to
a pulled hamstring.
VOMITs 26, St. Paul Jazz Pigs 0
The Old Boys stuck with ball control and defense and put together
a decent match. Steve Keup (I think, if I’m wrong, let me
know) scored early and converted the kick. Then just before half
off a 5-meter scrum, newcomer Tim Yarnall-Cuceloglu slipped into
the corner and converted for a 14-0 lead. The Old Boys added two
more scores in the second half; I’m not sure who got the scores
but I’m guessing Guido, Compton or Duncan Bathe, who swore
up and down he would only ref and not play. Let me know who should
get the credit. You know who you are…
So, we accomplished one goal…now for the other: getting everyone
who wanted to play a match without qualifying for the final.
I felt I was well equipped for failure: I had a clipboard, I couldn’t
read my own writing, most of the VOMITs were already drinking, and
we were losing players left and right due to injuries common to
Old Boys: Icy Hot overdose, bruised ego, terminal lack of velocity,
strained everything, among them. And that was just me…
VOMITs 32, UW-Whitewater 5
We picked up a couple of fresh backs (Jeff “Soupy” Campbell,
Duncan and Jeff Wesson) to give Shelf, Tim, Aubrey Fish and Mike
“Dr. Love” Estrel a break, playing more ball control
and countering the speed of Matt Pederson’s Whitewater squad.
Matt Oakes, Compton, and Fishy tallied, while Guido scored twice.
Duncan added a late try which would have serious ramifications:
we beat out Fond du Lac for the semis by scoring 1 point more than
them.
D’oh! Well, the best laid plans of voles and vomits…
By the way, Duncan, the irony of that score was not lost on those
of us who know what irony is, so stop smirking…
Also we added forwards “Not-So-Young-Anymore” Joel
Malak and Josh Schroeder to spell Kirk Sorenson, Larry Stevens and
Military Bill Peterik in the front row, plus Wee Bob was through
reffing and was available to go on the field much to the applause
of those on the sidelines who had been standing within earshot.
Semi-finals: VOMITs 27, Milwaukee Harlequins 14
Despite further coaching ineptitude, the Old Boys prevailed. Keup
and Shelf were attending to their dogs at home, believing that kickoff
was at 3:30 pm. Worthless pissant that I am, I couldn’t get
the match postponed but it didn’t matter. Joe Booze Wornson
started for Steve and Tim moved to flyhalf and Ace Lynn-Miller helped
out at wing/fullback and we didn’t miss a beat. We took an
early lead thanks to a forward dominated try by Matt Oakes. Soupy,
Guido and Compton also scored as we sped to a 4-try lead before
the Harlequins scored twice. I think there was a 5th try, but I
can’t be sure since my notes are illegible, so let me know.
Opie Milota also made an appearance; there was speculation on the
sidelines that the crew of the Space Shuttle was complaining about
the white glare from his legs…
Finals: WRC 34, VOMITs 12
We were down to one healthy extra body available once Shelf had
to come out when he complained of what he described as a rib poking
into his lung (what a baby). Still, despite the coaching clusterfuck
before kickoff, the Old Boys held their own and entertained the
crowd with a good showing against an outstanding WRC side who played
a terrific tournament.
The A-side got a couple of tries in the first half, but there was
plenty of spirited competition among the well-acquainted squads.
I believe Tim or Compton scored (again, if I’m wrong let me
know) to close the gap from 3 tries to 1. Ace scored from a nice
2nd phase movement Wee Bob and Larry to make it 4 tries to 2, but
the A-side tacked on two tries late to account for the final.
Thanks to all the Old Boys who showed up and cheered on those who
signed up to play and cheer on the VOMITs return to the final since
winning the initial Traveling Tens in 1994 in Belleville. Herb Paaren,
Big Dave Kruse, Terry Godfrey, Rick Stoughton, Tooley Storlid, and
Jeff Woods come to mind; if I forgot anyone else, mea culpa, but
by the end of the day I was on my fifth beer, third Jell-O shot
and second painkiller…
VOMIT playing roster:
Dan Marz, Bruce Hill, Bill Peterik, Matt Oakes, Mike “Dr.
Love” Estrel, Luke Milligan, Compton Kurtz, Kirk Sorenson,
Aubrey Fish, Jason “Shelf” Helmstader, Steve Keup, Joe
Wornson, Larry Stevens, Paul “Guido” Stroede, Josh Schroeder,
Duncan Bathe, JR Opie Milota, Ace Lynn-Miller, Wee Bob Jafferis,
Joel Malak, Tim Yarnall-Cuceloglu, Jeff Wesson and myself. Thanks
to a couple of other guys whose names I didn’t get who filled
in at the Dump pitch for a few minutes here and there and to Big
Cito and Dusty who volunteered to help us out in case needed.
If I left anyone out, let me know.
Thanks for a great day and see you at the next Old Boy event.
Cheers,
Marc
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